Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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