google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
