I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
