I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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