Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You were trust falling into bushes
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
