Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He shit in the fireplace
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
