Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
So many bounce houses so little time
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
