I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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