someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
