he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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