that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
