For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
