This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
