So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
