Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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