getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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