I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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