I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
It's blow job season.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
