why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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