dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
