It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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