Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
