The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
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full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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