You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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