Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I wish they made helmets for livers.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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