Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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