I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
