Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
