So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
