well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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