I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
