East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
