I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize