i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
