yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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