Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Randomize
