I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
