Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
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I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
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Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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