And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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