yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
