my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
