i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
