He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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