Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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