We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
