I wannas sexs uuuuu
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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