cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize