can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
