There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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