My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Randomize
