you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
