Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
