I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
