when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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