Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize