Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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