I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
