he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
