your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
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