Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
