I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
