I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
